MARLBORO — When my daughter asked if she could participate in the Brattleboro Winter Carnival Princess Pageant this year, I was very hesitant to say yes. My sense was that pageants, in general, support a very narrow definition of beauty and talent for girls. I work hard as a parent in this culture to find ways for my daughter to feel valued for who she is - and not for whether or not she is skinny, perky, or sexy.
But I thought, “This is Brattleboro, Vt.; it must be more inclusive than Toddlers and Tiaras.”
When we went to the first rehearsal together, I felt reassured that the group of girls were friendly, had a range of body types, and the director seemed aware of making every girl feel valued. I would have liked to have seen a wider range of girls - no one of color or with a disability was participating, and the types of talent were limited, since all but two of the girls were from Kelly's Dance Academy.
My daughter genuinely enjoyed the rehearsals and being part of the group, so we stuck with it. But as the week of the pageant arrived and the big day came and went, I was very disappointed at how the inclusiveness seemed to dissolve.
I would have liked to see the pageant be more about the girls' hard work and bravery than about an idea of perfection. I suppose I should have gone to see the pageant before agreeing that my daughter could participate.
I encourage the Winter Carnival committee to examine the messages given to girls aged 7 to 9 years old about what we value in them. I would like to see each girl receive a trophy on stage (not the day before) for her particular strength in the pageant process, rather than a single contestant leave the stage with three awards, with six other girls feeling devalued and leaving the stage with nothing.
I really appreciated that there were side awards, such as for an optional essay and talent, but they were not used to highlight the strengths of the different children.
There is such a strong support for the girls coming out of Kelly's Dance Academy that it seems unfair to even open up the pageant to other girls in the community, unless the format is changed in the future. It felt like it was just an expo for the dance school.
Isn't it time to redefine what it means to be an exalted princess - a person of feminine honor - for our girls?