BRATTLEBORO — An Israeli housemate once told me, “I do not call myself Jewish because I am religious; I call myself Jewish to honor the generations before me who were killed because of that identity.”
I was reminded of this perspective recently as I made the decision to purchase a bisexual pride flag to hang on my house during the month of June.
Pride season is here once again, but instead of eagerly looking ahead to events, gatherings, or celebrations I might attend, I find myself recalling the disillusionment I felt when the joy was shattered, suddenly flipped inside out, and shifted to mourning on June 12 of last year.
Although I will happily discuss politics in a the-personal-is-political fashion, I've rarely been one to mark myself with outward-facing symbols, choosing not to participate in the lawn-sign fad or to cover my vehicle with political bumper stickers.
But now the largest mass shooting in our nation's history, the massacre at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, has been directed at my peers, and I feel that I have to do something both to honor those victims and to send a message to our youth: I will not be invisible. You do not have to be invisible.
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Although it's true that progress has been made on many fronts for gender and sexual minorities (GSMs), I also see that each generation of GSM persons has been given violent messages, carefully chosen to be up-played in the media, that we are in danger if we become too vocal or too visible.
In the past 40 years, the assassination of Harvey Milk (1978), the murder of Matthew Shepard (1998), and the mass shooting at Pulse (2016) stand out to me as horrific crimes that became symbolic warnings.
Our well-meaning family and friends, in an effort to be supportive, often tell us to tone down our unique expression, to “not be so obvious.”
The myth is that only blending in and staying quiet will keep us safe.
The reality is that those who remain closeted run a much higher risk of self-destructing through harmful behaviors or suicide and they are less likely to find support with those of a similar experience. It would be much more useful in terms of personal safety to be reminded not to text while driving.
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Will I be putting myself or my family in harm's way by hanging a flag or by writing this piece? It's possible.
But I trust in the advice of Harvey Milk: “Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out. Come out to your parents... Come out to your relatives, come out to your friends... Come out to your neighbors, to your fellow workers, to the people who work where you eat and shop... Once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions.”
I believe the theory that when we recognize any minority person fulfilling a role in our community or family, we become more accepting of the next, and we begin to replace stereotypes with multifaceted individuals.
I also want to provide our youth with a vast number of examples for the future.
I want them to see adults with various identities and experiences thriving in a great many contexts: This could be you! Or this! Or this!
Where is your heart leading you? Find that place of identity that brings you confidence and comfort, then find whatever brings you joy in this vast world and allow others the space to do the same.
Happy Pride, everyone.