Cassandra Holloway works for a nonprofit that focuses on substance misuse prevention and youth empowerment. Gavin Rea Holloway (2007–2024) "left a void that will never be filled, and the thoughts of how he has enriched the lives of so many in his world will stay with them always," his family wrote in his obituary. "His essence, his spirit, his person - every part of him - is carried in all who knew him."
BRATTLEBORO-He wasn't just being a difficult teenager.
My biggest regret was not recognizing this truth about my son, Gavin, who died by suicide in 2024. Many parents who have also lost children to suicide share this same regret, I've discovered.
If your child struggles to get to school, look deeper. Assume anxiety is the underlying cause.
I blamed Gavin for making me late to work. I expressed frustration because I had to guide him through his morning routine while watching the clock impatiently.
He didn't want to admit he was still anxious. That conversation had ended in ninth grade - I thought he had grown more confident. Instead, he had simply learned to mask his struggles. Every morning required courage and determination for him to walk out that door.
Instead of recognizing this, I made him feel guilty about inconveniencing me and being disrespectful to both me and his teachers.
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Please know that if your child has anxiety, it doesn't mean they are or will become suicidal. This is simply about understanding and supporting them through their daily struggles.
September is Suicide Awareness Month. Here's what I wish I had known: If your child struggles to leave the house for anything - especially school or social events - read between the lines of what they're not telling you.
They are most likely scared and working hard to protect themselves emotionally, and this process is exhausting. They're often too ashamed to explain why, or they don't want to burden you with their struggles.
I cannot change the past, and I have learned to forgive myself for not seeing beyond my own ignorance and overwhelm.
But I urge you to assume anxiety is present, even when they don't say it directly. This is especially true for older teens and boys. Respond with gentleness, acceptance, and kindness.
Gavin's struggle wasn't actually at home - it was at school. Had I understood this, I would have focused my attention there instead.
Later, I discovered that one of his friends was facing the same challenges, and I'm certain there were others. I wish they could have met outside the building each morning to walk in together, or that he could have carpooled with a supportive friend.
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The problem isn't that our children can't get to school, work, or social events on time. The real issue is that our systems and society fail to acknowledge how hard they're working to navigate life while managing social anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.
They're constantly protecting themselves emotionally, and that armor is heavy. The shame and guilt they feel from being seen as "the problem" only makes that burden heavier.
What hurts me the most? That I compared him to peers who weren't struggling - or who didn't appear to be struggling. Questions like "Why can other kids get to school on time?" would make Gavin furious.
Not because I asked it, but because he asked himself every day ... and he never could come up with a solution.
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The following resources for students, educators, and families from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can be downloaded at bit.ly/830-save-lives-of-kids.
"Navigating the challenges of academics, social dynamics, and personal growth can be overwhelming but, together, we can build a resilient and thriving community," the organization writes on its website. "Our resources aim to support educators, guide parents, and empower students on their mental health journey during the school year and beyond."
Resources for parents and caregivers include:
• "10 Questions on a Tuesday" (a weekly check-in for parents and kids)
• "A Week of Wellness" (a calendar to incorporate activities into a family's week)
• "The Three C's for Parents and Guardians"
• "A Guide for Working Caregivers During the Back to School Transition"
Resources for educators include "vital tools to identify signs of distress and cultivate a compassionate learning environment," NAMI says. These tools "empower your students emotionally with useful knowledge and skills":
• "Classroom Mental Health Contract"
• "Mental Wellness Moments for Educators"
• "The Three C's for Educators"
• "Five Questions for School Staff to Ask When Preparing for an Active Shooter Drill"
• "Compassion Fatigue and Burnout"
Resources for students include:
• "NAMI On Campus At-A-Glance"
• "Social Media: Helpful Tips"
• "Time Management For Students"
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If you or someone you know is in crisis:
• Call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. The Lifeline provides free and confidential support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, seven days a week, across the United States.
• Call 911 in life-threatening situations.
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