Treat liberals with Trump derangement syndrome in advance of his victory

WARDSBORO — In the dull afterglow of the Jan. 15 Democratic debate, it occurred to me that it's probably a good time for liberals to begin preparing themselves and their liberal-leaning friends for the landslide 2020 re-election of President Donald J. Trump. It's important to be immunized against Trump derangement syndrome for his next four glorious years in office.

I must state clearly that I am neither a psychologist nor a medical doctor in any capacity, but my Scout leader first aid training compels me to ease the suffering I witness daily on the left.

In my opinion, adopting these six handy tips and tricks will ease the symptoms and spread of the dreaded Trump Derangement Syndrome:

1. Buy a Trump MAGA hat, but only wear it backwards.

2. Set up five Trump 2020 lawn signs in your yard, but face them all toward your own front door.

3. Pick up several Trump 2020 bumper stickers, but put them inside your vehicle.

4. Smoke a joint and read Trump's blockbuster, best-seller book The Art of the Deal out loud to your cats.

5. On Halloween, plan to go out trick-or-treating dressed as Vice President Mike Pence, and then wear the costume until the 2020 election returns are fully reported.

6. Put on your PJs, crack open a case of Trump Rosé, an award-winning 2018 vintage, and watch Fox News prime time; over the course of two weeks, add an extra 20 minutes per day.

By incorporating all the above exercises into your daily routine between now and Nov. 3, I imagine that any liberal Democrat will be able to openly repeat and discuss the election results without crying hysterically.

On the day when President Trump's second inauguration is in full swing, you will have built up enough immunity to Trump derangement syndrome to be able to sit on your couch and enjoy the patriotic parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.

Over the next four years, you may even make a few new conservative-minded friends and reunite with former acquaintances you suspect voted for the president not once, but twice!

Any reader who has more handy tips and tricks to treat the TDS epidemic, send them in!

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